dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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