We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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