if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
