the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
