why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
