You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
