Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
