She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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