She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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