I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
