Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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