I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
