i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
