the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
