is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
