it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
