Don't make out with my wife yet
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
