When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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