Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
