I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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