my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Also, beer. Big fan.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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