apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
