Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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