You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
