I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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