someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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