I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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