Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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