I looked at my own cervix.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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