i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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