i will never coherently bang her
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
