dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
