I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
