Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
