I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
