I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
