maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
