I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
