i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
