Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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