I'm really into asian looking animals
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You may now shotgun with the bride
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
