let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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