My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
