Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
