is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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