Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
