Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
