You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
