she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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