Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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