Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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