I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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